Future

God has a woderful plan for everyone.

My friend has gone to U.S.A to pursue master's degree.


I am really worried about what God's plan for me is .


In this summer vacation, I have been asked many times that "what is your future plan?"

"I don't know. Maybe an English teacher."
"I am not sure. I am still in the ongoing process of trying different things"

My friends and my relatives will no longer get satisfied by the answers above because I am going to be a senior.

So, instead, I give them such specific answer.
"Well, I guess I will work for probably a few years to make money, and go abroad to pusure my master's degree. After I get the degree, I would like to work for NPO."


That's my plan so far, but is that really what God wants for me ?


I am not sure.

I don't like the feeling of being unsure.

*Yay* One thing for sure is that I finally get the book "Blue like Jazz" after waiting for a weeks!!!Hahaha I am gonna read it this weekend. :) yayyayayayay

Back from Tainan

June 20, 2007 . I was planning to post this yesterday, but I was too tired. Here are wat I wrote yesterday.

Just being back from home, I am soooooooo exhausted.
Although I only spent less than 24 hrs in my parents’ house, it’s good to see them again after 3 months. I know it's kind of crazy to go there and come back within one day, but I just missed my family so much out of sudden after having potluck lunch with my church friends last Saturday. The potluck lunch made me think of my mom.
So, this Monday, I realized that I must go home, so that I will not spend too much time and energy thinking about my parents, my cute sister, and my fat brother. They were so happy to see me after one semester! They kept complaining how long they hadn’t seen me. Kekkeke, I felt kind of guilty.
Anyway, being home was so good and relaxing, and I finish watching Shrek 3 with my sister. It’s not that funny like Sherk1 and2, so don’t go to the movie theater for Shrek 3! Wait for DVD!
During the journey back to Taipei, I finish watching “The Holiday” and “Stranger than Fiction” on the bus. They were awesome! I am so moved to tears! Romantic comedy filmy is always my favorite kind of movie, and “The Holiday” is a good one!” The character that Jude Law stars in that movie is just a kind of men that I love. I always like Cameron Diaz’s sweet smile. If Jack Black appears around me, I am gonna crazy about him. Even looking at him would make me laugh! There are many scenes in that movie that I had felt the same way before, especially the scene that Kate Winslet talks to Jack Black about how she was madly in love and hurt by her ex-boyfriend. I love this movie because I found the past myself in the movie.

Also, I like “Stranger than Fiction” although at first I was bored because the taxman’s life is really boring. But the background music (Whole Wide World sang by Wreck Eric) in this scene was waking me up! The music was amazing! After the music, the taxman's life is totally upside down for the better! It makes me think of how sad it would be that my life is another cliche or routine narrated and controlled by a writer. I don't want a boring life like that! It would feel horrilble if I reach the end of my life.

Whole Wide World

When I was a young boy My mama said to meThere's only one girl in the world for youAnd she probably lives in Tahiti
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldJust to find her
Or maybe she's in the BahamasWhere the Carribean sea is blueWeeping in a tropical moonlit nightBecause nobody's told her 'bout you
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldJust to find her
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldFind out where they hide her
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldJust to find her
Why am I hanging around in the rain out hereTrying to pick up a girlWhy are my eyes filling up with these lonely tearsWhen there're girls all over the world
Is she lying on a tropical beach somewhereUnderneath the tropical sunPining away in a heatwave thereHoping that I won't be long
I should be lying on that sun-soaked beach with herCaressing her warm brown skinAnd then in a year or maybe not quiteWe'll be sharing the same next of kin
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldJust to find her
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldFind out where they hide her

Yayyyyy.. Life should be like an exciting adventure, not just another cliche!

I don't wanna stay in the safe circle of my world. I wanna explore the whole wide world and get some changes! (I know I am changing by God!) Yay (*Punk Gesture*---ermmm it looks like another cliche...Gee)

-------------------------------------------

Yesterday another huge excitment that I had is to talk to KT on MSN!!!!!Gosh! I really missed her SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy to find she also missed me!!! It's so sweet that she said that!!!!!!!That's one of the reasons that I like her. She's so open to share!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, Trojan War at Modern times!?

Uh huh..the invasion of Trojan horse not only ruins Troy at old times, but also kills me right now!

A week ago, I found my computer has infected computer virus, which is Trojan horse virus again. I try to ignore the warning of my computer because I was suffering from influenza viruses.

During this week, the Trojan horse virus kept showing its great power to attract my attention.

Here are its achievements:

1.Couldn't talk on MSN very smoothly.

2.Sometimes, unrecognizable windows suddenly appeared .

3. The speed of opening a file or document would be just like the walking pace of a turtle!

4. Bingo! There is also a Trjoan horse living in my USB Flash drive.

I thought they are not big deal until NOW!

I don't know what I was thinking and what's wrong with my hand.

Few minutes ago, while I started to work on my revision of research paper which was all stored in the USB Flash drive, the trojan horse appeared all of sudden and didn't allow me to open any file in my USB Flash drive. As soon as I saw the virus of trojan horse, I was out of my mind to format my USB Flash drive to kill the virus. I guess my hand was controlled by the spirit of Hector, who was the mightiest warrior on the side of Troy during the Trojan War.

Yahoo~~~Hector defeats the trjoan horse this time, but my important papers in usb are all gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmm, I guess God is testing me!

A Visit to Taipei Jade Market

Thanks to the class,"Appreciation of Gems", I just visited Taipei Jianguo Jade Market in this afternoon .

It's amazing, and I love it. I've never been there, so I was so excited about eveything in Jade Mareket ! It is said to contain 873 jade stalls in the market, so it is one of biggest jade markets in Asia.

I was really amazed with its big size, the varity of the products, and the amount of its visitors!! After I got lost in MRT station, I finally reached the entrace of Taipei Jade Marekt. Before getting into the entrance, I could almost feel the lively atmosphere inside the jade market. There were full of people, foreingers, connoisseurs disscussing gems and jades in front of stalls with fervor.

There are so many jades, Jadeite, gems, crystals, corals, agates, accessories made of silver for sale. Most of them are not easy for me to recognise because I didn't work and learn hard in this class. +_+! I wish I could go to that class every time, so that I wouldn't always ask stupid questions to the stallmen. However, they are still kind to answer any question.

Actually, I am not that interested in jade because it's not popular for young people to wear jade in moder times in Taiwan. So, I only pay some attention to the jades for me to work on the report. Most of my attention was focused on the accessories made of silver, black achate, Turquoise, and Tourmaline(which has15 beautiful colors for different tourmaline stones.)!

(A collection of jade!)

(I don't prefer jade, but the one in the middle looks good. It made me think of wearing jade might be a cool idea.)

Tourmaline and other precious stones.

Turquoise: my birthstone.

This is my favorite stall. There are so many accessories made of silver . They are mainly from Napal and Thailand. Recently, I found myself look good in folk style sometimes, so I am gonna purchase somethings here next month. kekekeke

Stone carved in the shape of lichee with one real lichee on it.

Opal

I bought my earings in this stall.

I buy that pair of black achate earings to match my cross necklace. kekekeke, I have been looking for suitable earings to match my black cross necklace, and I got it. hahahahaha

hmm.. How come it looked ordinary in the picture!!??? Well.. I guess it's because I am too sleepy right now.

I had better go to bed.

Pray for My Health.

Lord Jesus, I need You.

I have been suffering from the cold for a week.
I have a really bad cough, a sore throat, running nose, and horrible voice!!!!
It's hard for me to prounce any normal voice of mine now. How weird!? haha (I really feel like my nickname, Duck now. )
In order to recover, I had gone to the doctor for 4 times. (Very amazing! I don't know why the doctor that I had gone to for 3 times is actually a a practitioner of Chinese medicine. He got a license of traditional Chinese medical science, but he works at a hospital of western medicine. I went to that hospital which look like very modern and western. He kept using the principle of traditional Chinese medical science to cure me of cold. As you all know, the treatment of traditional Chinese medical science would take a long time to recover. So, I cannot get better a little bit after taking so many medicine. I began to reget that I gave that doctor three opportunities. Thus, in this afternoon, I went to a new doctor!!!)
I cannot believe I would suffer tortures from a common cold so much.
The new doctor told me bad news.
My health condition: common cold-->bronchitis---> pneumonia
She gave me the medicine of antibiotics to take in order to prevent pneumonia.
Humm, I get a little better after taking antibiotics although I still feel dizzy and feel like I am not myself.

Anyway, hope I will get better soon because I am tired of the sickness and I need physical strength and clear brain to work on the final assignments and exams. (Next week is our final week. This semester will reach an end in the middle of June. I guess by the end of this semester, I will have to hang in there!!!)

Hope God will hear my pray and help me go through the sickness and difficulty of the fina week!!!!!
In Jesus name, Amen.

God, Are You Showing the Sign of My Future Job?

Dear God,
Tonight, I strongly feel like being a school psychologist (therapist) after talking with my best friend, “Pei-Syuan (It sounds like “passion” in Chinese)”.

You gave me my imperfectness.
I have been suffering from the imperfectness, but the imperfectness gave me keen eye and sensitive heart.
I can easily sense people’s struggle, pain, limitation, and what they might really think or feel.
Before I knew Jesus, I hate this talent of mine because seeing the pain of people made me feel the world was so imperfect and sad.

I think about my talent in a different way after knowing Katie and Jesus.

I learned from her and her blog that “Although everyone is imperfect, she still loves them.”
I forever keep this in mind, and it has been just like a seed grew in my mind.
When I try to put it into practice, my talent has been helping me build closer relationships with my friends and see my value. (My friends have been so willing to come to me and share their stories openly to me after I decided to accept people's imperfectness and love them. I love listening thier stories. I think I am so cool when I use my talent to listen to my friends about their life struggles and trying to help out. (or trying to help them see what is going on !!!)

It’s amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, are YOU showing me one possibility of my future job?
Do you want me to be a psychologist (therapist)?

If so, can YOU show me more sign of your will?

Hey, Mr. Wrong, don’t get me wrong!

Hey, Mr. Wrong,
You know what!?
You look okay.
You are smart.
Your way of thinking is quick, logical, and clear.
You have sense and sensibility.
You keep trying to make achievement to prove that you look fine in managing yourself and your life.

I kind of know what kind of person you are and what kind of life that you want.

If any of my friends who is willing to come to me, and I wouldl always like to have a heart-to-heart with them. I am trying to listen to you, understand you, and encourge you because I treat you like my friends.
However, these doesn’t even count that I like you or I want to be your girlfriend. (I know where the bottom line between us is!)
I have to admit that I thought you were my type in the past, but I know you are actually not now.

You are dealing with the relationship with the material world and people well, you made everyone around you think you are good and many girls want you.

Well, you are NOT what I want now because you are NOT conscious of the relationship with God and you have little spirituality. I want a Mr. Right who has trinity of rationality, mentality, and spirituality, so I can gain a love which is made of trinity!
Only Mr. Right who has trinity is conscious of the meaning of life and the meaning of love, and that’s whom I want.

In this kind of love,

I know our body, mentality, and spirit would be just like together in one, although we are two different individuals.
We won’t feel being in the world is lonely.
We will be each other’s passion.
We will care about each other’s real need.
We will understand and accept each other’s imperfectness and all.
We will try to be support each other without any purpose or expectation.
We will still respect each other, and live the life so freely.

We will be so free, but also being so loved in the same time!


I know many people may say my requirement is too high, but I am going to stick to it!

Claire is overcome by anger and despair.

If my friends, Denise, Sean, Ruby, and Isa feel so depressed, they know Claire is always here for them being undersatnding and encouraging.



Now, I feel no good tonite, but I don't have anyone to listen to my pain and sorrow.


I guess I need You, Jesus my Lord.........................:(
Now I am overcomed by tears and despair, and I need You to comfort and understand my heart. I hope YOU will be with me tonite. You are needed!

Annual Play of FJU English Department: Every Student

Derrick---the director!



The poster of the annual play 2007.

After the performance, the four actresses and the director have a Q&A time with the audience.
The four actresses from left to right are Diane, Rose, Tiffany, and Sharon. The man on the left side is the cool and handsome director, Derrick.


I spent this Sunday afternoon to see the annual play” Every Student", and I am glad that I did! The main idea of this play is what I had been troubled and thinking about recently. I have been tired of pleasing others by following others' words and without caring about how I felt and how I thought. I guess the main idea is try to arouse students' self-awareness and help them care about the voice of their heart "What they really want to say" intsead of always caring about "The teacher says", "the mother says", and "my dad says".

"Every Student" is a story about four girls. Their life experiences and stories are intertwined and told in the play through collective improvisations. Their life experiences are not particular, but typical.
The topic of this play is about Taiwan education.
In this play, four girls tell their several educators which are important to their life through examining their life lines. An educator is the general meaning of a teacher. I meant, a teacher can be included in the section of educators, but it does not mean that a teacher equal a educator. Tiff talked about her high school friends and her dad while examine the educators in her life. Diane played a role which represents a perfect version of her. I think she did a good job by conveying the sadness of being perfect. The girl she played is an ABC girl who came back Taiwan to study, which is one type of Taiwanese's favorite. Many Taiwanese worship blindly ABC girls or boys from America even though what they said and think doesn't make a lot sense. When this ABC girl enjoyed being worshiped like God by Taiwanese boys, she is restrained by her family in some ways. Her family kept telling what she is expected to do and not to do. One day, she wants to escape away because she is so tired of everything. She brings coke, dough nut, and i-pod flying to a unknown planet. At first, she is so happy because she doesn't have to care about what others think! In the end, she breaks out and cries hardly because nobody can give her clapping while nobody can restrain her by expectations. So, she goes back to the earth again. I thought it's a tragedy because Diane surrenders herself, but I don't why it's turned out to be an happy ending when Diane said she know how to play with the environment after going back the earth. I guess this part needs to be more elaborated, but the annual play just reach an end today.


What I said above may not make a lot of sense, because I did not have a thinking shock during seeing this play although I had a great time. The reason is that I did think through clearly and carefully about my past and new problems and I guess the idea which the play provides is an old idea to me. (It won’t give me a new idea to help me examine my current life.)(What the four girls experienced in the play is what I had went through instead what I am going through.) I wished I could I see this play in my freshman year, so it would help me a lot. .

I love how the four girls say their story so openly.
I love the ideas of this annual play because it can be related to my past experience.
I love how the director brings out the idea through improvisations. Through his direction, this play did talk to its audience. I can see his philosophy of the function of stage/play achieving in this play . The play did take a message, relfect actors themselves, and bring its care to the audience!!!

But........
I think the ideas of the play should be dealt with in details. Somehow, I feel the play is a little rough and have a gap, so that it’s hard for me to connect the former part with the later part.


Anyway, it's still a good play because just like the director said, "this annual play is just a starting point" for the audience to explore themselves. We cannot expect a short play to change our whole way of life and values. We can't find the whole answers of our problems in a short play, but it did provide an opportunity for those who haven't being aware of the relationship between their lives and the beings of themselves to examine and explore themselves!


Btw, I am sorry that I missed the Q&A time of the play yesterday because Denise, my best friend, said it was cool!! The theme of this played was deeply discussed by Professor Kate Liu and the director yesterday. In today’s Q&A time, I found it’s a pity that I could not find further satisfying explanation of the play. Although the director did try to explain, the talk time allowed the director is too little. Most of the time, the four actresses share their opinions. They all agree the time in English department is the best time that they have ever had. +_+! I want to know more than this. I guess I am just too eager to know the answer of the meaning of life. (Claire, calm down. Life is a process!) :)

How I wish I can hear more ideas about this play from the director because he is very smart and his way of thinking is quite clear. I love communicate my ideas with this kind of people because they try listen to what I really wanna ask and say, respect the importance of my questions and opinions, and try to answer my question in a way that I can be satisfied. When I talk to this kind people, it feels like a hear-to-heart talk instead of mouth-to-mouth careless talk. I love heart-to-heart talk although I like jokes sometimes. +_+!

ohohohoho yeah, there's one more thing that I want to add.Thanks to this play, I wonder what my life line would look like. (It's very similar to the the spiritual memorials that Vikie's sermon talked about at the 2nd church last Sunday. )

Here's my life line so far, and it goes on. And what's yours?

Nothing is gonna change my love for you, Mom!

Yeah..that's my mom! This shot was taken when my dad and mom was on their honeymoon.I guess she was around 23 years old in this picture, but I am not sure. Although time has brought her beauty into different stages, she did not look as young as she was. No matter what stage she is in, I always think she is the most beautiful women in the world and I always love her. Time won't change my love for her.



I has been told that my mom and I look pretty much alike. When I am told about this news, I am very pleased because I love my mom and she is very beautiful to in my eyes. When I was little, I just looked like my niece, and my mom also think so. I put her picture in the right side of that picture, so that you may have a rough idea about what I looked like. :) Isn't she cute? I love her.


My mom is deeply influenced by the values of Chinese cultures, so she tries her best to play her role well, and she did a quite good job in playing her roles.

• She is a good mother.

Her hands are made of magic. The food she cooks is definetely out of the world. (I meant it tastes so good. ) She tries to support me in any way she can!

• She was a good dauhter.
• She is a good wife. She's very surportive to my dad.
• She is a good daughter-in-law and good sister-in-law.
• She is a good neighbor.
• She is a good empolyee.
• She takes care the need of everyone she knows.

No matter what role you are in, Mom I want you to know that I wish you are happy and in joy!

I havn't gone home for about 10 weeks, and I don't plan to go home this semester although I miss her. From the phonecall the other day, I could tell she missed me much.

Mother's Day is around the corner! (It's said to be this Sunday, isn't it?) Recently, I think of my mom often and miss her very much. The other day I talked to a good friend that how sorry I felt for the misunderstanding and conflict between my parents and I might be caused by my new faith. When talking about this, I found I love them very much, and my change of faith is partly because of my love for my parents! (Unbelievable) It's an amazing finding. The feeling of my love for them became real at that moment when I talked about how sorry I felt that our love cannot be transmitted to each other’s heart directly due to the values of Chinese culture.

The tradition values of Chinese cultures stand in the middle like a big and rigid wall between my parents and I. I love my parents, and I know they also love me very much. However, their faith in the traditional values of Chinese culture turns their love to be an unbearable sweet burden to me! My dad likes to control everything and to be so involved in my decisions of life. I feel like escaping away from my home. (Even though I am out of home going to university, their voices and thinking becomes the alter ego of mine keeping influencing me in any way. It is inescapable.)

My parents have felt so frustrated and depressed just because I couldn't follow their words. A lot of times, I remeber and think of a bitter image. In the image, they turn their back, put one hand on the forehead, and shake their heads after a fierce quarre bwteen parents and I l, and this image had haunted me and made me feel painful, sorry, unworthy of being loved and gave me feelings of hatred and self-accusation. Actually, I was hoping to follow all their words and expectations, and I did. When I did that, I didn't have 100 percent passion to work on it, and what I did it was just to please them. When I was so unwilling to do what they expected, I guess I was hurting them in another way because I asked a lot from them. They support me in all ways because I was being good and obedient to obey them, but I could see they are tired and I am tired, too. If I kept following the path which they wished me to, I will feel very empty if they leave me into another world. If I kept follow their plan, I may get married with a person whose value is just like my parents. In that kind of marriage, I will feel unhappy and hurt.That way, my life will become one of the tragedies caused by the values of Chinese culture.


I thank God for provide me an opportunity to examine what the relationship is going on between my parents and me. From now on, I want to follow the path God directs. (Hope God will leade me to be the person tha He want me to be!)In this path, I will find my meaning of life and feel joyful, and love my family in a way which won't cause any pressure or hurt to each other. I believe my new faith is gonna help me to love myself and parents in the way that nobody will get hurt. Although at first my parents may have the misunderstanding that I am not filial, it's ok. I hope someday in the future God will let them know no matter where I will be, what decision I will make, and how differently I will change, I still love them and hope to love them in a better way. I hope someday God will let them understand different values and different path that I follow won't change my love for them because what I do is all because of love. (Set me and you free, and we can express our love in a more healthier and purely way! No control, no obey blindly, no overprotect, and no hurt!)

I love you, Mom, VERY MUCH!

Happy Mother's Day! Be Happy (and healthy) Every Day!

Does time have wings?

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock...Time moves as quick as waterfall! When time goes by in such an unbelievable high-speed just like it could fly, I am working on what should be done as slow as molasses/turtles! I am a crazy busy little bee around here these days.

In less than 6 weeks, I will reach the end of my school classes. Now, I am in the middle of getting everything finished, and everything I am doing is something that needs to be done for courses’ requirements. My days are crazily packed with assignments and papers, and everyday I am glued to computer to work and study. So much is happening so fast, and so many things need to be done in such short weeks. So, that's what's going on here.

I am being busy and will be busy to pass the time by the middle June.
During this difficult studying period, I may not post things on blog everyday, but I will try to talk to God everyday verbally. Hopefully, I could finish them as soon as possible, so that I could write anything on weblog at any time and do whatever I desire.

There are two drafts that I have been working on for this blog. One is for my experience at the second church, and the other is about Mother's Day. I hope I could get them done and published soon!

Hope God will give me more passion and perseverance to go through all these sufferings.

Monday Blue is haunting me!

Picture : Claire who looked fresh had fun dancing with the dancing group of freshmen (wearing red clothing and white gloves) . We took this picture after dancing for the singing party.

Further annotation of the picture:

1.The girl in the middle who wears a yellow crown of beauty is Claire. (Hehhehe just kidding)

2.The boy astonished with his mouth was saying: "Claire, allow me tell you how ardently I apppreciate you!" (Claire: Thank you, Darcy...no, thank you,Sean.)

3.Next to me, the little girl putting hands up with blood in white gloves and a knife in her bag is Denise. She was saying, "I don't kill anybody." No matter what she did, she is my best friend. Hahaha

Monday is always a tough day of the week. This semester, I was crazy to make Monday even toughest by taking "American Literature." The professor and the class keep testing me. I don't enjoy the class and the heavy textbook at all. It’s very boring because I don’t connect myself to American Literature. I am tired of comparing and contrasting author’s writing styles and caring about what writing techniques they use. I take this course only for three credits, and I feel regretful about the wrong choice. If I passed this course, I learn nothing but perseverance. I know I would enjoy this class if I study hard and think hard of American Literature. I am sorry that I don’t have time to do that.
I guess this is a door that God closes to me. He reminds me not to take classes for credits next time. I will keep this in mind. Good.

It’s around 1 a.m. on Tuesday right now, but the blue Monday keeps haunting me. I feel blue and depressed. I don’t feel like doing anything.
On Tuesday evening, I will have to practice dancing for a party of English Department in the end of May. It is also a crazy decision that I made in this semester. I thought I was clear to Sean, the leader of the dancing and a good friend of mine, that I am not sure whether to be in or not. Sean kept calling that I am one of the members and I have to practice with them. Tuesday night will be the second time practice. I went to the first time practice, and I will have to dance for the party if I go to the second time practice tomorrow.

I like to have fun in the party, but I don’t enjoy dancing in front of all. I guess God forgets to give this talent to me. When I was in my freshman year, I danced for the party. It was fun, and I had fun. That experience is enough for my box of memory. I don’t expect another to come. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh my……
Thinking of this, it makes Monday even bluer and Tuesday hard.

Sunday is a church day!

Picture 1 : Two people are leading the meeting through ppt.

Picture2 : With a red bag, someone is helping collecting everyone's note of prayers and thankfulness.

Picture 3 : Everyone has opportunity to play instruments in the band to help with the worship songs.

How come I get the layout of the pix so weird!!??

Hahaha.... "It's not perfect here, but it's real!" +_+! Anyway, I don't how deal with the pix .

• Today, I had a pleasant time at two churches although it took me 7-8hrs.
  My body was getting tired, but my heart was full of joy. I was pleased, and I guess Christ was pleased, too.
  
  I like to go to church and talk to friends at church, and I always expect the coming of Sunday.
  However, lying on the bed thinking of going two churches in one day and , I felt like saying” wow, what a day". So, I was late for the meeting at the first church. I missed the worship songs. It's a pity, because some of my friends at church did have heavenly sounds.
  
  When I came in, a man who led the meeting was using Bible to talk about the characteristics of the Devil.
  Here are parts of them.
  1. The Devil is a liar. (Man is the Devil? Just kidding.) John 8:44
  2. Satan deceived the whole world. (Revelation 12:13)
  3.Even Satan can disguise himself to look like an angel of light! 2Co 11:14
  4. We lose our confidence because "Satan has received permission to test all of you, to separate the good from the bad." Luke 22:31-32
  
  Whoop~, Bible is awesome because it works out in human's life. Today's sermon at the first church got me think of a book ( in Chinese version) that I have been reading recently and haven’t finished reading it yet.
  It's "Talking to yourself” written by Dr. Pamela E. Bulter, who working as a psychologist in California. The book said talking to oneself is not easy because everyone will be confused by the "alter ego" that produces fear and criticism. (I guess Bible calls this the Devil)
  "Alter ego" tells us what to do and what not to do and what is right and wrong. We learned this from the parents. The viewpoint of parents will make an important role in developing the alter egos. Whether the function of your alter ego would be to judge (a judge) or to support (a leader) will be deeply influenced by how the parents estimate your. The too-perfect standard set up by alter ego ((a judge) will please others, but it won't please you a lot of times. It wants you to do things perfectly, be quick, to please others, try hard, and be strong!!
  You will feel like what you have done is never enough although you did a good job and did a lot of thing.
  
  Yeeee. As a developing Christian, I want to cry out "My alter ego is a Satan!" and "How insightful Bible is."
  Bible works out from generation to generation. I will study it hard!
  
  After the sermon and worship songs in the end, we were grouped to preach outside the church because this week is the first week of May. I was ready for people to refuse and make a excuse like "I don't have time. Sorry. Blah..Blah..Blah" So, I went to NTU campus with my friends and some booklets to start to preach for the first time! At first, people rejected us as I expected. At the end, we were so lucky to have three college students listen to us and ask questions. They asked smartly, such as “what God’s plan is” and “I can make decision on my own, so why do I have to pray to God?” My friends have been at church for years, so they help to explain four spiritual laws. Again, as a developing Christian, I shared my experience and books I read so far. Since they are Chinese, what Chinese is all about is blood relationship. Chinese have very strong faith in family. I started from this point. We talked about how traditional values of Chinese culture are spread through the sweet burden "Home" to control a Chinese. Chinese values are based on Confucian and get moralized by Confusion. Everyone has fixed roles to play, and Confusion has set up a super-perfect rule of how to play the roles for every Chinese who is actually imperfect. So, Chinese follow the rule which cannot work out at all. If a Chinese doesn't follow Chinese values, they will hear the public or the neighbor gossiping that "Hey, how come he is immoral by doing that way." In order to please the family and the society, we study hard, make money, care about others' feelings, work hard, and get faithful in parents' words and expectations. As Taiwan economy developed into different stage from the past, the traditional values of Chinese culture are challenged and shaken. Some stick to the old values, and some search for Savior outwardly, such as sex, drugs, higher educations, relationships with men/women, money, faithful in famous brands (LV, Gucci...), and so on.
• So, I suggested the 3 students t not to search God outwardly, but inwardly. Receive Jesus, and Jesus will live inside of the heart.
• One young man of these students asked a smart question. He asked, “So, the ideas of Christianity are similar to the ideas of Chuang Tzu, a famous Chinese philosopher. Why do I have to believe God then?” I replied, “You may find the answers if you start to build your relationship with God by going to church.” I didn’t know whether he will visit church or not, but I was glad he asked so many questions. We had a pleasant chat, and I can see his potential. May God bless him?!
• 
  After talking to these 3 students, we went back to church to share the result and experiences. I love this best. I love sharing what I think to people of the same faith. They always listen carefully and give positive response. I talked a lot. I was grateful, joyful, and contented talking and listening at the first church.
  It’s pity that I couldn’t stay longer to listen to all friends’ experiences like what I did in the past weeks. I rushed to the second church after I talked and listen to some of them.

Saturday is delightful! I am off.

Hallelujah~! Thank God it's Saturday!

I had a great time in this Saturday.
Without caring about assignments and exams, I just got myself one day off.
I did many things relaxing that I haven’t done for a while.

1. In the morning, I received the shoes that I bought from Yahoo. Yahooooooo~ it's more beautiful than I expected. I love it. I was surprised to receive the shoes because I haven't paid for it yet. I guess the seller trust customers very much.

2. In this afternoon, I just got my haircut by my favorite designer. He is a shy and hansome Japanese man of middle age. (See the picture and look how handsome he is. kekekeke) His name is Minamitani Tsuyoshi. He's so good at bringing out a person's uniqueness through haircutting. When it comes to hairs, he is the expert! There is a kind of barber who likes to talk a lot to customers even though they don't have good topics when cutting hairs. Usually, after the long and careless chatting, what I get is a bad hairstyle which makes me look dull or unnatural. However, Mr. Minamitani Tsuyoshi is very different from this kind of barbers. He only talks to me when we need to talk about how to design my hair for a best look. Every time I go to him, I trust him very much. However, he has been helping me with my hairstyles for a long time, butI was crazy to go to Eric for a whole new look of hairstyle two months ago. My hair style looked queer, so I always avoid camera and wore my hair in a ponytail for a while. This time, I decided to go back to Mr. Minamitani Tsuyoshi to deal with my hairs. At first, he was surprised to see how "interesting" my hairstyle was. He asked me who did it and where did I have this hair cut. He was surprised about how Eric would get my hairs so weird. (They had worked together for the same store before.) He gave some accurate suggestions to help my hairs get rid of the dull look. It took him around 2 hrs to cut my hairs. He focused all his attention on my hairs. During hair cutting, we didn't talk. I was reading a interesting book. In the end, I gave him a big smile and told him he is the best hairstyle designer! I was pleased by my new look and he was happy with my compliment.
3. Shoping a lot. Thank God! I found several accessories. They are all adorable!

I felt so relaxing and went bankruptcy in the end.

...............................................................................................
Tomorrow, I will be going to two churhes. It sounds fun and tiring at the same time. I hope I can make a decision on which one is more suitable soon.
.........................................................................................................

I am getting really tired right now. I had better go to bed for tomorrow.

Pray: SAD

Dear God,

Tonight, walking on the street, I really feel like crying. Thinking of how Chinese suffering from traditional values of Chinese culture for thousands of years, I feel sad for them and myself. In terms of the race, Taiwanese can be counted as Chinese regardless of the political things. Even now, more than 90 percent of Taiwanese are still suffering from values of Chinese culture which has been disturbing and ruining many Chinese's lives for thousands of years without awareness. Traditional values of Chinese culture are just like big hands behind the scene to control how Chinese and Taiwanese run their lives regardless of what they really need as human beings. Traditional values of Chinese culture want us to be functional and useful for the society. Under Chinese culture, we are just like one of the tools or chesses to run the society. The values of Chinese culture are very influential. They make us think it's ok to be used as a tool and so eager to be a good tool! If anyone cannot make himself a good tool, he would be regarded as an unimportant person and family won't be proud of him. This way, all Chinese spend their passions and best efforts to train themselves being useful. Leading a life of being like a tool means leading a life without soul and meaning. The values of Chinese culture make Chinese' hearts blind. We are not allowed and expected to see what we really want as human beings, but we are encouraged to think what skills we need to improve. This is how the values of Chinese culture restrain Chinese and ruin their lives. However, being unaware of destructiveness of the values of Chinese culture, Chinese people have faith in their actions because the values of Chinese culture have been implanted into Chinese and become their faith. What Chinese spend all their lives are just like "a moth flying into the fire and get burned". When the faith causes their lives to be a tragedy, they don't know what is going on and what is wrong feeling extremely empty. Isn't that sad???

Lord Jesus, I know you love people no matter what races they are. Please save Chinese (Taiwanese) from the tragedy. They has been in wrong path for such a long time.(Too long)
I know it's really hard for them to see you and receive you as Savior while they are just leading their lives just like tools and caring nothing about their souls and hearts. Chinese (Taiwanese) really need you to help them!!! Jesus, please give Chinese (Taiwanese) wisdom to awake, to invite You into their hearts and receive you as Savior, so that Chinese (Taiwanese) can follow the path that You directs and lead meaningful lives.
In Jesus name, Amen.

Ralph Wiggum

Wow hahaha , how come he is so funny and cute!?

Among the Simpsons, he is my favorite because he is so innocent.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPfTQYZ_2aQ



In this clip, when Lisa gave him a card in Valentine 's Day, Ralph feels so surprised and can't believe it. He said "You choo chooo chooo choose me!?"

This is how I felt for God when I know God loves me no matter how imperfect I am!
:)
"Do you really choo choo choose to love me ??????"

It's really awesome to be loved and all accepted by Jesus.

Pray for This Summer Plan

Dear Lord Jesus,

I've been becoming more familiar with You as I exchanged ideas of Christianity with my friends.
The better I know You, the more I love You! I have received You as my Savior so far. Now, I am indecisive on my summer plan, and I need You to give me Your wisdom to make a right choice for the plan of my summer vacation. When I surfed on the internet in this evening, I found a cool opportunity for my summer plan. It will be teaching at Pu-Tai Elementary and Junior High School as an English teacher's assistant. There will be groups of teachers from Fresh Meadow Elementary School, New York. These teachers are going to fly all the way to Taiwan this summer to help students learn in a circumstance full of English for a month. They will need several assistants who are good at English and Chinese to help with the communication between children and teachers. This project sounds fun and interesting to me because I was searching for something new and different to try in this summer and I could help people. If I will be just needed as an assistant, I won't teach. This is a news to me because I don't enjoy teaching.
However, although this project attracts me somehow, I am hesitating a little bit right now.
Here are the reasons:
1. This elementary school believes in Buddhism because its founder is a well-known monk.
2. The teaching philosophy of this school is based on the ideas of Confucian and Buddhism, which is what I am avoiding. If they want me to translate any god of Buddhism to students, should I just say "Jesus Christ”? (Just kidding. I guess I will make people feel dumbfounded if I do so.)
3. I am expected to fill out my religion in the application form. I would like to write "Christianity" on it, but I will be in a risk of losing this opportunity. They may not like to choose a Christian as a assistant. Whatever, if so, I think God has a better plan for me. I am proud to be a Christian.
4. The school will provide vegetable foods. (Should I bring some meat or fast noodles furtively? Or shall I take a pig/a chicken and persuade them it is just my pet? Just kidding. )
5. I have fear.

Should I just send out the application form without a second thought and get the second thought back when I really get hired?

I am really indecisive right now.
I don't whether this project is what God wants for me. If God wishes me to get involved in this project, I will definitely head to the school without fear,hesitation, and pets.(of course.+_+!) in this summer.
Jesus Lord, please make me the kind of person you want me to do and help me make a right choice.
In Jesus name, Amen.

You know what? I am in ecstasy right now!

Ms. Gina Chen just replied my letter and I am very happy with the good result of the Task 4 product.

I feel proud of myself because I do try my best in this project. It must be God's great power. While I am extremely get involved in the process, I do learn things and I enjoy this process very MUCH! I thank God for choosing KT as my penal. Kt is really a joy to email to and talk to. I admire her personality, life attitude, her thinking, and her way of writing. She's amazing, interesting, and awesome! (I hope I know more adjectives.) She did help me and make the difference of my life. Without Katie, I may not know God not to mention I would get a motive to go to church to see what Christianity is like in Taiwan.(Impossible.)


Meanwhile, I am kind of sad to say Goodbye to this Tele-project and my pen-pal, Katie!! I don't wish to lose the contact with her! (I know I am too old to be sentimental!) I just can't help. I don't wanna say goodbye to her. (Instead I wish to keep saying "Howdy, Hi, Hello, Hey.." because I don't wanna reach an end here.)

Right now I think of one Chinese old saying, "天下沒有不散的筵席". (There is no banquet which doesn't have an ending.) It means "All good things come to an end".
Although I know this fact, I just cannot get used to it without emotion.

I still feel grateful to God for bring Katie to join part of my life. It’s one of the best experiences I have. REALLY ! :)

I started this post very happily, but ended it very sadly. :(

4/27 Bible Study on Friday Nite

(Left side: the picture of the booklet which is my friend's teaching material for studying at Shuen Tao Church.) (Right side: the picture of handout that I received at Home of Christ Church for Friday Night Bible Study Class!)

Last Friday night, I came to English Bible Study Class which was held by ORTV and Home of Christ, and it was awesome! I didn't plan to go to English Bible Study Class because I never know its existence in Taiwan. In addition to my ignorance, I got a friend who was willing to help me study Chinese Bible after we sang worship songs, worship God, and group discussion on Sundays. (In group discussions, every Christian shares his current life struggle to testify God's power.) She was one of the friends that I made at Shuen Tao Church near NTU University. (The best university in Taiwan) I've paid my visits to Shuen Tao Church for 3 times. Both of us studied bible together once last week. I was grateful because she was kind and patient to answer any stupid question from me. She used a booklet to teach me. She told me there are six booklets to help me to know about God and God's words. The first one that I used was going to help me start the new life of Christ in me. In this booklet, there are several questions that need me to look up my Chinese bible to get the answers. We went through several verses of different chapters to get the answers to fill in the banks of questions. Under the guidance of my friend, I learned that Christianity meant Christ in a person. It’s cool to know that because I know God is within me and I don’t to seek Him outwardly. I felt a sense of security, joyful, and peaceful when I learned about this news. Before I knew God, I seek outwardly all the time and get never enough. I felt a sense of insecurity and empty a lot of times when I seek outwardly! Anyway, my topic is the Friday Night Bible Study, but I haven’t finish introducing the booklet thing. I should wrap it up quickly. We got one hour and a half looking up the bible and know three major points of this booklet: New Relationship, New Life, and New Process!
It must be God brought me to English Bible study. Last Friday afternoon, after the midterm, I was feeling tired and relaxing. (Feeling unwell, I just went to the doctor on that morning.) Because I felt relaxing, I felt like studying English Bible. When I got started, I felt that it would be good to share thinking and questions if I got a group of Christianity to study English Bible together. As soon as I got this feeling, I surfed on the internet, and typed some keywords on Yahoo searching engine. After I tried several times using several slightly different keywords, I found “Friday Night Bible Study Class held by ORTV and Home of Christ. I thought it’s a good opportunity. Thus, I decided to see what it was like although I felt dizzy and a little unwell.) I printed the handout of that day (Faith in Action) from the website. http://www.ortv.com.tw/english/ebs_c/ebs_e.htm
At first, I was worried and nervous to get into a new place.

As soon as I entered the church, I know I was going to LOVE it. I felt completed welcome when I got there even though everyone didn’t know me at all! A foreign lady of middle age with beauty eyes smiled at me and said some greeting to me! I was delighted and I think I like her. J There were a lot of people at that place. The atmosphere was exciting, warm, and joyful. There are 3 stages in the Bible Study Class. Firstly, we sang several light English worship songs. (I love them and it was amazing that I sang those songs so happily.) Secondly, we listened to the founder of ORTV and Studio English Classroom Magazine, Dr. Doris Brougham. She is around 70 years old and she spent more than 45 years in Taiwan. Due to her strong faith in God, she came to Taiwan all the way from America all alone and spread Christianity to Chinese and Taiwanese. She got faith in her actions, so she could establish ORTV with bare hands to help more people instead of making money. Her story is really inspiring. She said she likes to be used by God and she likes to do whatever God wants her to do. She said God used her to help more Chinese and Taiwanese to learn English and learn about God. Faith in God makes a person be stronger and have a complete life experience! Through her experience, I really see the great power of God again. Wow!
Thirdly, we are divided into different groups to have a discussion. Each group got two foreign tutors. Basically, people are grouped according to their levels of English ability. Regardless of English ability, new comers who came for the first time would be one group. I was a new comer, so I went to the group of new comers. There are two foreign tutors and one Taiwan TA to lead a bilingual class. Students received another handout appearing in the right picture above. The class helps new comers take an overview on Bible. It was interesting because it wasn’t that serious as the class I had at Shuen Tao Church. After finishing the handout through Q&A, we had a chance to talk with other members through a game. Then, we are grouped into a group of 5-6 people to have further discussion about their preferences which are not relevant to Bible. After the discussion, we were encouraged to eat snacks and drinking in the back space of the church.

I like the bible study class that I take at Shuen Tao Church and I also like Friday Nite Bible Study Class held by ORTV and Home of Christ. They are providing different functions and pleasure to me. In terms of the former, I can exchange deep thinking and experiences to my friends at Shuen Tao Church. In terms of the latter one, I could make friends, talk in English, read English Bible, and have fun because the tutors are very active and funny. In both of the churches and bible study classes, people were nice and kind to me. It’s hard for me to choose one in such a short while. I will keep going to both of them. Meanwhile, I will pray to God for giving me wisdom to make a right choice when the time of making decision is due.

5 Guidposts of emotional self-control

• Feeling is important. Having feelings and expressing feelings have a signifcant difference. In any circumstances, don't not cut off feeling, turn down your feeling, block your feeling in any way.

• Control the emtion won't change the outcome of things, but

1. You will feel a lot better.
2. Things won't get worse.

5 Guidposts of emotional self-control that help you cope with the unexpected situations.


A. Check your feelings. Are you calm?
B. Stop and think what you will wanna say and do before you do it. Does it make sense? (Do not avoid the problem) Give yourself an opportunity to express the situation honestly and clearly.
C. Consider the other people’s perspectives. Do they have points? And be Empathetical!
D. Act in a way that will make you proud!
E. Talk to God. (I add this extra point by myself. +_+ )

These 5 guidposts are cool. This is what I learned from the video at last "Applied Psychology".
I guess this is going to help me a lot in many ways. Tons of feelings will be going on at the same time while getting along with people or having a teamwork with them. If I know to cope with my emotion in different unexpected situations, I guess I won't have to be regretful a lot of times.

Good to learn about these new things. I will put these suggestions into action because I get tons of teamworks at college and probably at workplace in the future! My past school education and family education didn't teach me how to deal with the emotion. I guess the culture of Chinese/Taiwan just don't care about emotion. Instead of teaching students to how to cope with their emotions, the teachers would like to teach students how to get higher sores on exams. Thus, a lot of Taiwan students (and grow-ups) don't know how to deal with their emotions and others' emotions.

I was blocking my feelings a lot of times because I didn't wish to ruin the relationship with others. This way, I didn't express my feelings and my thoughts appropriately and clearly. I wasn't happy about how I dealt with this.
From now on, I wll act in a way that make me proud because Jesus is in me.

A record of daily emotions and reaction

This journal is one of my assignments in the class "Applied Psychology".

I found it is quite useful for a person to be aware of himself/herself.

Through this activity, I found I was very intense recently due to pressure. Also, I found I would be easily suffering from the headhead and stomachache under too much pressure.

I will keep doing the journal and include this format into what I want to say to God!

I would like Jesus to know what is all about me.

My 1st pray at weblog

Dear Lord Jesus,

I open the door of heart to receive You as my Savior and Lord.

I have a big difficulty and really need You right now. I am working on Americian Literature midterm take-home essay. This essay requires 3200 words. Gosh. (I am not Tom Cruise who is good at dealing with impossible missions!) I am full of fear and anxiety. I know it's a test from God and from my instructor of course. However, I can't do it all alone because my own power is really pitiful. With my own power, I am full of fear and anxiety. With God's power to help me, I will be full of courage and confidence. Besides, I haven't recover from the illness that I got on this friday. I feel dizzy and sleepy. (Look at the picture above, I cannot even see these authors cleary.) I feel like giving up all things, but I hope to act in a way like Christ in me. God, please give me your power to help my get this essay done as soon as possible!!! In 12 hrs, it's the deadline. Ｇod, please make Cecilia Liu, my instructor, give me one more week to finish this essay. In Jesus name, Amen.

Suggested Prayers

"Pray at all times." (1 Thes. 5:17) (Good News BIBLE in Todays' English Version)

"God knows your heart, and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attidtude of your heart."
I totally agree with the sentence that I found in the booklet of FOUR SPIRITUAL LAWS.
Words can be deceiving at times, but heart is honest all the time.
I will give my heart to talk to God through prayers. I don't know when God will anwer my prayer, but I will keep doing it.

I am not familiar enough with the way of talking to God. So, I am going to make my own prayer according to the suggested forms of prayer listed in the following. :)

I found 2 suggested prayers :

• 
  Lord Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sin and giving me eternal life. Take control of the throne of my life. Make me the kind of person You want me to do. In Jesus name, Amen.
  



• God, I want a life of adventure! Jesus, I invite You into my heart and ask You to be Lord of my life. Direct my path. Increase my faith. Help me to make the right decisions about my future. Thank you for sending your Holy Spirit to be with me and guid me. In Jesus name, Amen.
  

Here's the chinese version:

• 神阿/主耶穌阿/親愛的天父, (To call the name of Jesus first)



• 我需要妳.我願意打開心門接受耶穌作我的就主和生命的主. (To express your acceptance of Jesus)



• 感謝你赦免我的罪 (To be thankful to Jesus)



• 求你管理我的ㄧ生,使我成為你所喜悅的人 (To express your need and "ask for anything that you wish")



• 奉主耶穌的名禱告,阿門 (In Jesus name, Amen.)

Humm... It looks like talking to God is not that complicated as I thought.

Good to know that! I will talk a lot then. :)

Get started!

Dear God,

You creates me, and I get this blog for you. :)

Building a relationship requires well communication without hidding things and lies.

I want to build my personal relationship with Jesus.

So, I need to communicate with Him.I was planning to talk to You by writing something on my first blog in Blogspot.(http://ohmygoshla.blogspot.com/)

However, that blog was registered for my Junior research paper.I am going to use this blog to communicate with God!!!

• Here are several reasons that I get a new blog for God:


• I feel unsafe being open in my first blog because my instructor and my peers will check to see what I've written and what they expect to see is all about RP.


• I create this blog because I want to be open to God. I want to talk everything to God. I won't hide anything becasue I am not talking to the public and the public won't see me here! Once I feel very safe, and I'll be very open.


• Everyone is not perfect, and I am not perfect, either. I know God accepts every part of me. I have faith in God, and I trust Him. So, I open the door of my life and my heart to God here. Nothing including imperfectness will be hidden!
  

It's good to get a real start to share things with God.
I will see myself in the way how God sees me. I am important because God sees me as an important person! I receive God, so God no longer see me and my sin. God see Jesus in me!