Breakthrough

March 9th is a big day for me.
I did something very unsual today.

I told Naomi about my secret, 我的手.
Naomi was the leader of my life group in my church.
We talked from 6:30-9:00pm. (Such a long time, I know! Thanks for her patience!!!)
We discussed about my fear, past expiernce, my friendships, relationships...etc.
She opened her arms and heart to accpet me.
She tried hard to understand my English fragment.=_=!
She tried her best to show her understanding and empathy to my feelings.
Most importantly, she cared about and accepted the imperfect me.
She was like an angel with a merciful heart!!

After revealing my secret to her, It feels so real and also unreal right now to be accepted completely by someone who is not my family.
Seemly, the world is becoming different from what I thought.
我好像比較接近 真實地活著 一步了!
這感覺真奇妙. What a relief!!!

New discoveries:
1.With her support, I felt less lonely facing my pain.

2. Her sincere acceptance melted the thick defensive wall of my cold heart a bit, so I could feel a little more alive, joyful and hopful.

3.She suggested me to focus on God instead of myself. The more I trust in God, the stronger my shield against lies(Social value) is. How God sees me is different from how people see me!?
我不是我的手臂.

4. There's one min that I seemed to see Jesus through Naomi. @@?
Unconditional acceptance sounds so unreal, but it really happened to me today.

It felt so gooooooooooooooood to be UNDERSTOOD and ACCEPTED!!!!!!!!

What an amazing day. (Still feel like so unbelievale. )
Thank God.
Thank you a million, Naomi.

I wish I could accept myself like how Naomi accepts me.
Some day.



BTW:
Another unbelievable thing is that I can't believe the last time I logined in this blogspot account is more than two years ago. It's long enough for me to forget the account name and password.
So, it took me a while to get back the information through some complicated Blogspot processing.
Anyway, good to be back to life and get connected with a real me.
Today's small step means huge to me.
Though a step-by-step practice, I wish I could live a real life with joy, hope, and surprise.
I am so tired of living in a safe zone.

實實在在以如實的我自在的過日子 -2010的new year resolution.