Girl friends!

今天~~我跟Jessica 約見面 ,Dorcus也來了.
We had a great time.
很感謝她們願意接納我!
After telling them that secret, they still treat me like a friend.
讓我鬆了一口氣!

回家的路上.雖然很累.但心情很輕快...

Until...

My dad told me that my sister, also my roommate, decided to go to China!!!!!!!!!!
I was so shocked with this news.

Oh...after a while, when my brain started working, maybe it's not that shocking.
My sister is that kind of person who listens to my dad more to herself.
I felt kinda of sad for her.
I don't like my dad for trying to arrange our future. (Even though I am not working right now, I have the right to stand out for myself. =_=!)

I was curious about her thoughts and feelings.
However, she told me she's still thinking about whether to go to China or not.
She said part of herself would be willing to try, not because of my dad.
"I know what I am doing. ", she added.



Maybe I worried too much for her.
She's already an growup, not a child anymore.
She will take care of the decision.
No need me to bother. (That's how I felt from her bodylanguage using her back to face my caring talk.)



I guess we are learning to be a growup in different ways.
@@??

So many things happened recently, not matter I am ready or not!?
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

很感謝主的amazing安排
讓我在決定練習跨出那一步 which took me like 3 and half years.有好的結果！
有成熟的朋友誠懇地接納我.支持我.鼓勵我.關心我。
這些基督徒的朋友　她們很成熟　
願意試著去了解我的痛。
願意試著put their foot in my shoes. (I meant, they have empathy.)
They are grateful for willing to tell the secret.
這讓我很驚訝～～～

跟我過去的高中朋友不一樣～～～（那時候.大家都還年輕吧. They did't know how to deal with pain.）
他們不想去處理沉重的話題。。。




These Christian girl friends' 友善的接納.鼓勵.& Care。
減少我的緊張和恐懼！ 減少我的緊張和恐懼！
培養我的勇氣　和信心！
讓我慢慢累積力量　走下去..
低潮的時候,我可以想到他們...原來我不是孤單地獨自面對一切！
女生朋友　真好的！！呵呵～


Thank you, Naomi, Jessica, Dorcus, and God!!

Breakthrough

March 9th is a big day for me.
I did something very unsual today.

I told Naomi about my secret, 我的手.
Naomi was the leader of my life group in my church.
We talked from 6:30-9:00pm. (Such a long time, I know! Thanks for her patience!!!)
We discussed about my fear, past expiernce, my friendships, relationships...etc.
She opened her arms and heart to accpet me.
She tried hard to understand my English fragment.=_=!
She tried her best to show her understanding and empathy to my feelings.
Most importantly, she cared about and accepted the imperfect me.
She was like an angel with a merciful heart!!

After revealing my secret to her, It feels so real and also unreal right now to be accepted completely by someone who is not my family.
Seemly, the world is becoming different from what I thought.
我好像比較接近 真實地活著 一步了!
這感覺真奇妙. What a relief!!!

New discoveries:
1.With her support, I felt less lonely facing my pain.

2. Her sincere acceptance melted the thick defensive wall of my cold heart a bit, so I could feel a little more alive, joyful and hopful.

3.She suggested me to focus on God instead of myself. The more I trust in God, the stronger my shield against lies(Social value) is. How God sees me is different from how people see me!?
我不是我的手臂.

4. There's one min that I seemed to see Jesus through Naomi. @@?
Unconditional acceptance sounds so unreal, but it really happened to me today.

It felt so gooooooooooooooood to be UNDERSTOOD and ACCEPTED!!!!!!!!

What an amazing day. (Still feel like so unbelievale. )
Thank God.
Thank you a million, Naomi.

I wish I could accept myself like how Naomi accepts me.
Some day.



BTW:
Another unbelievable thing is that I can't believe the last time I logined in this blogspot account is more than two years ago. It's long enough for me to forget the account name and password.
So, it took me a while to get back the information through some complicated Blogspot processing.
Anyway, good to be back to life and get connected with a real me.
Today's small step means huge to me.
Though a step-by-step practice, I wish I could live a real life with joy, hope, and surprise.
I am so tired of living in a safe zone.

實實在在以如實的我自在的過日子 -2010的new year resolution.

Future

God has a woderful plan for everyone.

My friend has gone to U.S.A to pursue master's degree.


I am really worried about what God's plan for me is .


In this summer vacation, I have been asked many times that "what is your future plan?"

"I don't know. Maybe an English teacher."
"I am not sure. I am still in the ongoing process of trying different things"

My friends and my relatives will no longer get satisfied by the answers above because I am going to be a senior.

So, instead, I give them such specific answer.
"Well, I guess I will work for probably a few years to make money, and go abroad to pusure my master's degree. After I get the degree, I would like to work for NPO."


That's my plan so far, but is that really what God wants for me ?


I am not sure.

I don't like the feeling of being unsure.

*Yay* One thing for sure is that I finally get the book "Blue like Jazz" after waiting for a weeks!!!Hahaha I am gonna read it this weekend. :) yayyayayayay

Back from Tainan

June 20, 2007 . I was planning to post this yesterday, but I was too tired. Here are wat I wrote yesterday.

Just being back from home, I am soooooooo exhausted.
Although I only spent less than 24 hrs in my parents’ house, it’s good to see them again after 3 months. I know it's kind of crazy to go there and come back within one day, but I just missed my family so much out of sudden after having potluck lunch with my church friends last Saturday. The potluck lunch made me think of my mom.
So, this Monday, I realized that I must go home, so that I will not spend too much time and energy thinking about my parents, my cute sister, and my fat brother. They were so happy to see me after one semester! They kept complaining how long they hadn’t seen me. Kekkeke, I felt kind of guilty.
Anyway, being home was so good and relaxing, and I finish watching Shrek 3 with my sister. It’s not that funny like Sherk1 and2, so don’t go to the movie theater for Shrek 3! Wait for DVD!
During the journey back to Taipei, I finish watching “The Holiday” and “Stranger than Fiction” on the bus. They were awesome! I am so moved to tears! Romantic comedy filmy is always my favorite kind of movie, and “The Holiday” is a good one!” The character that Jude Law stars in that movie is just a kind of men that I love. I always like Cameron Diaz’s sweet smile. If Jack Black appears around me, I am gonna crazy about him. Even looking at him would make me laugh! There are many scenes in that movie that I had felt the same way before, especially the scene that Kate Winslet talks to Jack Black about how she was madly in love and hurt by her ex-boyfriend. I love this movie because I found the past myself in the movie.

Also, I like “Stranger than Fiction” although at first I was bored because the taxman’s life is really boring. But the background music (Whole Wide World sang by Wreck Eric) in this scene was waking me up! The music was amazing! After the music, the taxman's life is totally upside down for the better! It makes me think of how sad it would be that my life is another cliche or routine narrated and controlled by a writer. I don't want a boring life like that! It would feel horrilble if I reach the end of my life.

Whole Wide World

When I was a young boy My mama said to meThere's only one girl in the world for youAnd she probably lives in Tahiti
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldJust to find her
Or maybe she's in the BahamasWhere the Carribean sea is blueWeeping in a tropical moonlit nightBecause nobody's told her 'bout you
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldJust to find her
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldFind out where they hide her
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldJust to find her
Why am I hanging around in the rain out hereTrying to pick up a girlWhy are my eyes filling up with these lonely tearsWhen there're girls all over the world
Is she lying on a tropical beach somewhereUnderneath the tropical sunPining away in a heatwave thereHoping that I won't be long
I should be lying on that sun-soaked beach with herCaressing her warm brown skinAnd then in a year or maybe not quiteWe'll be sharing the same next of kin
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldJust to find her
I'd go the whole wide worldI'd go the whole wide worldFind out where they hide her

Yayyyyy.. Life should be like an exciting adventure, not just another cliche!

I don't wanna stay in the safe circle of my world. I wanna explore the whole wide world and get some changes! (I know I am changing by God!) Yay (*Punk Gesture*---ermmm it looks like another cliche...Gee)

-------------------------------------------

Yesterday another huge excitment that I had is to talk to KT on MSN!!!!!Gosh! I really missed her SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy to find she also missed me!!! It's so sweet that she said that!!!!!!!That's one of the reasons that I like her. She's so open to share!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, Trojan War at Modern times!?

Uh huh..the invasion of Trojan horse not only ruins Troy at old times, but also kills me right now!

A week ago, I found my computer has infected computer virus, which is Trojan horse virus again. I try to ignore the warning of my computer because I was suffering from influenza viruses.

During this week, the Trojan horse virus kept showing its great power to attract my attention.

Here are its achievements:

1.Couldn't talk on MSN very smoothly.

2.Sometimes, unrecognizable windows suddenly appeared .

3. The speed of opening a file or document would be just like the walking pace of a turtle!

4. Bingo! There is also a Trjoan horse living in my USB Flash drive.

I thought they are not big deal until NOW!

I don't know what I was thinking and what's wrong with my hand.

Few minutes ago, while I started to work on my revision of research paper which was all stored in the USB Flash drive, the trojan horse appeared all of sudden and didn't allow me to open any file in my USB Flash drive. As soon as I saw the virus of trojan horse, I was out of my mind to format my USB Flash drive to kill the virus. I guess my hand was controlled by the spirit of Hector, who was the mightiest warrior on the side of Troy during the Trojan War.

Yahoo~~~Hector defeats the trjoan horse this time, but my important papers in usb are all gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmm, I guess God is testing me!

A Visit to Taipei Jade Market

Thanks to the class,"Appreciation of Gems", I just visited Taipei Jianguo Jade Market in this afternoon .

It's amazing, and I love it. I've never been there, so I was so excited about eveything in Jade Mareket ! It is said to contain 873 jade stalls in the market, so it is one of biggest jade markets in Asia.

I was really amazed with its big size, the varity of the products, and the amount of its visitors!! After I got lost in MRT station, I finally reached the entrace of Taipei Jade Marekt. Before getting into the entrance, I could almost feel the lively atmosphere inside the jade market. There were full of people, foreingers, connoisseurs disscussing gems and jades in front of stalls with fervor.

There are so many jades, Jadeite, gems, crystals, corals, agates, accessories made of silver for sale. Most of them are not easy for me to recognise because I didn't work and learn hard in this class. +_+! I wish I could go to that class every time, so that I wouldn't always ask stupid questions to the stallmen. However, they are still kind to answer any question.

Actually, I am not that interested in jade because it's not popular for young people to wear jade in moder times in Taiwan. So, I only pay some attention to the jades for me to work on the report. Most of my attention was focused on the accessories made of silver, black achate, Turquoise, and Tourmaline(which has15 beautiful colors for different tourmaline stones.)!

(A collection of jade!)

(I don't prefer jade, but the one in the middle looks good. It made me think of wearing jade might be a cool idea.)

Tourmaline and other precious stones.

Turquoise: my birthstone.

This is my favorite stall. There are so many accessories made of silver . They are mainly from Napal and Thailand. Recently, I found myself look good in folk style sometimes, so I am gonna purchase somethings here next month. kekekeke

Stone carved in the shape of lichee with one real lichee on it.

Opal

I bought my earings in this stall.

I buy that pair of black achate earings to match my cross necklace. kekekeke, I have been looking for suitable earings to match my black cross necklace, and I got it. hahahahaha

hmm.. How come it looked ordinary in the picture!!??? Well.. I guess it's because I am too sleepy right now.

I had better go to bed.

Pray for My Health.

Lord Jesus, I need You.

I have been suffering from the cold for a week.
I have a really bad cough, a sore throat, running nose, and horrible voice!!!!
It's hard for me to prounce any normal voice of mine now. How weird!? haha (I really feel like my nickname, Duck now. )
In order to recover, I had gone to the doctor for 4 times. (Very amazing! I don't know why the doctor that I had gone to for 3 times is actually a a practitioner of Chinese medicine. He got a license of traditional Chinese medical science, but he works at a hospital of western medicine. I went to that hospital which look like very modern and western. He kept using the principle of traditional Chinese medical science to cure me of cold. As you all know, the treatment of traditional Chinese medical science would take a long time to recover. So, I cannot get better a little bit after taking so many medicine. I began to reget that I gave that doctor three opportunities. Thus, in this afternoon, I went to a new doctor!!!)
I cannot believe I would suffer tortures from a common cold so much.
The new doctor told me bad news.
My health condition: common cold-->bronchitis---> pneumonia
She gave me the medicine of antibiotics to take in order to prevent pneumonia.
Humm, I get a little better after taking antibiotics although I still feel dizzy and feel like I am not myself.

Anyway, hope I will get better soon because I am tired of the sickness and I need physical strength and clear brain to work on the final assignments and exams. (Next week is our final week. This semester will reach an end in the middle of June. I guess by the end of this semester, I will have to hang in there!!!)

Hope God will hear my pray and help me go through the sickness and difficulty of the fina week!!!!!
In Jesus name, Amen.