God, Are You Showing the Sign of My Future Job?

Dear God,
Tonight, I strongly feel like being a school psychologist (therapist) after talking with my best friend, “Pei-Syuan (It sounds like “passion” in Chinese)”.

You gave me my imperfectness.
I have been suffering from the imperfectness, but the imperfectness gave me keen eye and sensitive heart.
I can easily sense people’s struggle, pain, limitation, and what they might really think or feel.
Before I knew Jesus, I hate this talent of mine because seeing the pain of people made me feel the world was so imperfect and sad.

I think about my talent in a different way after knowing Katie and Jesus.

I learned from her and her blog that “Although everyone is imperfect, she still loves them.”
I forever keep this in mind, and it has been just like a seed grew in my mind.
When I try to put it into practice, my talent has been helping me build closer relationships with my friends and see my value. (My friends have been so willing to come to me and share their stories openly to me after I decided to accept people's imperfectness and love them. I love listening thier stories. I think I am so cool when I use my talent to listen to my friends about their life struggles and trying to help out. (or trying to help them see what is going on !!!)

It’s amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, are YOU showing me one possibility of my future job?
Do you want me to be a psychologist (therapist)?

If so, can YOU show me more sign of your will?

Hey, Mr. Wrong, don’t get me wrong!

Hey, Mr. Wrong,
You know what!?
You look okay.
You are smart.
Your way of thinking is quick, logical, and clear.
You have sense and sensibility.
You keep trying to make achievement to prove that you look fine in managing yourself and your life.

I kind of know what kind of person you are and what kind of life that you want.

If any of my friends who is willing to come to me, and I wouldl always like to have a heart-to-heart with them. I am trying to listen to you, understand you, and encourge you because I treat you like my friends.
However, these doesn’t even count that I like you or I want to be your girlfriend. (I know where the bottom line between us is!)
I have to admit that I thought you were my type in the past, but I know you are actually not now.

You are dealing with the relationship with the material world and people well, you made everyone around you think you are good and many girls want you.

Well, you are NOT what I want now because you are NOT conscious of the relationship with God and you have little spirituality. I want a Mr. Right who has trinity of rationality, mentality, and spirituality, so I can gain a love which is made of trinity!
Only Mr. Right who has trinity is conscious of the meaning of life and the meaning of love, and that’s whom I want.

In this kind of love,

I know our body, mentality, and spirit would be just like together in one, although we are two different individuals.
We won’t feel being in the world is lonely.
We will be each other’s passion.
We will care about each other’s real need.
We will understand and accept each other’s imperfectness and all.
We will try to be support each other without any purpose or expectation.
We will still respect each other, and live the life so freely.

We will be so free, but also being so loved in the same time!


I know many people may say my requirement is too high, but I am going to stick to it!

Claire is overcome by anger and despair.

If my friends, Denise, Sean, Ruby, and Isa feel so depressed, they know Claire is always here for them being undersatnding and encouraging.



Now, I feel no good tonite, but I don't have anyone to listen to my pain and sorrow.


I guess I need You, Jesus my Lord.........................:(
Now I am overcomed by tears and despair, and I need You to comfort and understand my heart. I hope YOU will be with me tonite. You are needed!

Annual Play of FJU English Department: Every Student

Derrick---the director!



The poster of the annual play 2007.

After the performance, the four actresses and the director have a Q&A time with the audience.
The four actresses from left to right are Diane, Rose, Tiffany, and Sharon. The man on the left side is the cool and handsome director, Derrick.


I spent this Sunday afternoon to see the annual play” Every Student", and I am glad that I did! The main idea of this play is what I had been troubled and thinking about recently. I have been tired of pleasing others by following others' words and without caring about how I felt and how I thought. I guess the main idea is try to arouse students' self-awareness and help them care about the voice of their heart "What they really want to say" intsead of always caring about "The teacher says", "the mother says", and "my dad says".

"Every Student" is a story about four girls. Their life experiences and stories are intertwined and told in the play through collective improvisations. Their life experiences are not particular, but typical.
The topic of this play is about Taiwan education.
In this play, four girls tell their several educators which are important to their life through examining their life lines. An educator is the general meaning of a teacher. I meant, a teacher can be included in the section of educators, but it does not mean that a teacher equal a educator. Tiff talked about her high school friends and her dad while examine the educators in her life. Diane played a role which represents a perfect version of her. I think she did a good job by conveying the sadness of being perfect. The girl she played is an ABC girl who came back Taiwan to study, which is one type of Taiwanese's favorite. Many Taiwanese worship blindly ABC girls or boys from America even though what they said and think doesn't make a lot sense. When this ABC girl enjoyed being worshiped like God by Taiwanese boys, she is restrained by her family in some ways. Her family kept telling what she is expected to do and not to do. One day, she wants to escape away because she is so tired of everything. She brings coke, dough nut, and i-pod flying to a unknown planet. At first, she is so happy because she doesn't have to care about what others think! In the end, she breaks out and cries hardly because nobody can give her clapping while nobody can restrain her by expectations. So, she goes back to the earth again. I thought it's a tragedy because Diane surrenders herself, but I don't why it's turned out to be an happy ending when Diane said she know how to play with the environment after going back the earth. I guess this part needs to be more elaborated, but the annual play just reach an end today.


What I said above may not make a lot of sense, because I did not have a thinking shock during seeing this play although I had a great time. The reason is that I did think through clearly and carefully about my past and new problems and I guess the idea which the play provides is an old idea to me. (It won’t give me a new idea to help me examine my current life.)(What the four girls experienced in the play is what I had went through instead what I am going through.) I wished I could I see this play in my freshman year, so it would help me a lot. .

I love how the four girls say their story so openly.
I love the ideas of this annual play because it can be related to my past experience.
I love how the director brings out the idea through improvisations. Through his direction, this play did talk to its audience. I can see his philosophy of the function of stage/play achieving in this play . The play did take a message, relfect actors themselves, and bring its care to the audience!!!

But........
I think the ideas of the play should be dealt with in details. Somehow, I feel the play is a little rough and have a gap, so that it’s hard for me to connect the former part with the later part.


Anyway, it's still a good play because just like the director said, "this annual play is just a starting point" for the audience to explore themselves. We cannot expect a short play to change our whole way of life and values. We can't find the whole answers of our problems in a short play, but it did provide an opportunity for those who haven't being aware of the relationship between their lives and the beings of themselves to examine and explore themselves!


Btw, I am sorry that I missed the Q&A time of the play yesterday because Denise, my best friend, said it was cool!! The theme of this played was deeply discussed by Professor Kate Liu and the director yesterday. In today’s Q&A time, I found it’s a pity that I could not find further satisfying explanation of the play. Although the director did try to explain, the talk time allowed the director is too little. Most of the time, the four actresses share their opinions. They all agree the time in English department is the best time that they have ever had. +_+! I want to know more than this. I guess I am just too eager to know the answer of the meaning of life. (Claire, calm down. Life is a process!) :)

How I wish I can hear more ideas about this play from the director because he is very smart and his way of thinking is quite clear. I love communicate my ideas with this kind of people because they try listen to what I really wanna ask and say, respect the importance of my questions and opinions, and try to answer my question in a way that I can be satisfied. When I talk to this kind people, it feels like a hear-to-heart talk instead of mouth-to-mouth careless talk. I love heart-to-heart talk although I like jokes sometimes. +_+!

ohohohoho yeah, there's one more thing that I want to add.Thanks to this play, I wonder what my life line would look like. (It's very similar to the the spiritual memorials that Vikie's sermon talked about at the 2nd church last Sunday. )

Here's my life line so far, and it goes on. And what's yours?

Nothing is gonna change my love for you, Mom!

Yeah..that's my mom! This shot was taken when my dad and mom was on their honeymoon.I guess she was around 23 years old in this picture, but I am not sure. Although time has brought her beauty into different stages, she did not look as young as she was. No matter what stage she is in, I always think she is the most beautiful women in the world and I always love her. Time won't change my love for her.



I has been told that my mom and I look pretty much alike. When I am told about this news, I am very pleased because I love my mom and she is very beautiful to in my eyes. When I was little, I just looked like my niece, and my mom also think so. I put her picture in the right side of that picture, so that you may have a rough idea about what I looked like. :) Isn't she cute? I love her.


My mom is deeply influenced by the values of Chinese cultures, so she tries her best to play her role well, and she did a quite good job in playing her roles.

• She is a good mother.

Her hands are made of magic. The food she cooks is definetely out of the world. (I meant it tastes so good. ) She tries to support me in any way she can!

• She was a good dauhter.
• She is a good wife. She's very surportive to my dad.
• She is a good daughter-in-law and good sister-in-law.
• She is a good neighbor.
• She is a good empolyee.
• She takes care the need of everyone she knows.

No matter what role you are in, Mom I want you to know that I wish you are happy and in joy!

I havn't gone home for about 10 weeks, and I don't plan to go home this semester although I miss her. From the phonecall the other day, I could tell she missed me much.

Mother's Day is around the corner! (It's said to be this Sunday, isn't it?) Recently, I think of my mom often and miss her very much. The other day I talked to a good friend that how sorry I felt for the misunderstanding and conflict between my parents and I might be caused by my new faith. When talking about this, I found I love them very much, and my change of faith is partly because of my love for my parents! (Unbelievable) It's an amazing finding. The feeling of my love for them became real at that moment when I talked about how sorry I felt that our love cannot be transmitted to each other’s heart directly due to the values of Chinese culture.

The tradition values of Chinese cultures stand in the middle like a big and rigid wall between my parents and I. I love my parents, and I know they also love me very much. However, their faith in the traditional values of Chinese culture turns their love to be an unbearable sweet burden to me! My dad likes to control everything and to be so involved in my decisions of life. I feel like escaping away from my home. (Even though I am out of home going to university, their voices and thinking becomes the alter ego of mine keeping influencing me in any way. It is inescapable.)

My parents have felt so frustrated and depressed just because I couldn't follow their words. A lot of times, I remeber and think of a bitter image. In the image, they turn their back, put one hand on the forehead, and shake their heads after a fierce quarre bwteen parents and I l, and this image had haunted me and made me feel painful, sorry, unworthy of being loved and gave me feelings of hatred and self-accusation. Actually, I was hoping to follow all their words and expectations, and I did. When I did that, I didn't have 100 percent passion to work on it, and what I did it was just to please them. When I was so unwilling to do what they expected, I guess I was hurting them in another way because I asked a lot from them. They support me in all ways because I was being good and obedient to obey them, but I could see they are tired and I am tired, too. If I kept following the path which they wished me to, I will feel very empty if they leave me into another world. If I kept follow their plan, I may get married with a person whose value is just like my parents. In that kind of marriage, I will feel unhappy and hurt.That way, my life will become one of the tragedies caused by the values of Chinese culture.


I thank God for provide me an opportunity to examine what the relationship is going on between my parents and me. From now on, I want to follow the path God directs. (Hope God will leade me to be the person tha He want me to be!)In this path, I will find my meaning of life and feel joyful, and love my family in a way which won't cause any pressure or hurt to each other. I believe my new faith is gonna help me to love myself and parents in the way that nobody will get hurt. Although at first my parents may have the misunderstanding that I am not filial, it's ok. I hope someday in the future God will let them know no matter where I will be, what decision I will make, and how differently I will change, I still love them and hope to love them in a better way. I hope someday God will let them understand different values and different path that I follow won't change my love for them because what I do is all because of love. (Set me and you free, and we can express our love in a more healthier and purely way! No control, no obey blindly, no overprotect, and no hurt!)

I love you, Mom, VERY MUCH!

Happy Mother's Day! Be Happy (and healthy) Every Day!

Does time have wings?

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock...Time moves as quick as waterfall! When time goes by in such an unbelievable high-speed just like it could fly, I am working on what should be done as slow as molasses/turtles! I am a crazy busy little bee around here these days.

In less than 6 weeks, I will reach the end of my school classes. Now, I am in the middle of getting everything finished, and everything I am doing is something that needs to be done for courses’ requirements. My days are crazily packed with assignments and papers, and everyday I am glued to computer to work and study. So much is happening so fast, and so many things need to be done in such short weeks. So, that's what's going on here.

I am being busy and will be busy to pass the time by the middle June.
During this difficult studying period, I may not post things on blog everyday, but I will try to talk to God everyday verbally. Hopefully, I could finish them as soon as possible, so that I could write anything on weblog at any time and do whatever I desire.

There are two drafts that I have been working on for this blog. One is for my experience at the second church, and the other is about Mother's Day. I hope I could get them done and published soon!

Hope God will give me more passion and perseverance to go through all these sufferings.

Monday Blue is haunting me!

Picture : Claire who looked fresh had fun dancing with the dancing group of freshmen (wearing red clothing and white gloves) . We took this picture after dancing for the singing party.

Further annotation of the picture:

1.The girl in the middle who wears a yellow crown of beauty is Claire. (Hehhehe just kidding)

2.The boy astonished with his mouth was saying: "Claire, allow me tell you how ardently I apppreciate you!" (Claire: Thank you, Darcy...no, thank you,Sean.)

3.Next to me, the little girl putting hands up with blood in white gloves and a knife in her bag is Denise. She was saying, "I don't kill anybody." No matter what she did, she is my best friend. Hahaha

Monday is always a tough day of the week. This semester, I was crazy to make Monday even toughest by taking "American Literature." The professor and the class keep testing me. I don't enjoy the class and the heavy textbook at all. It’s very boring because I don’t connect myself to American Literature. I am tired of comparing and contrasting author’s writing styles and caring about what writing techniques they use. I take this course only for three credits, and I feel regretful about the wrong choice. If I passed this course, I learn nothing but perseverance. I know I would enjoy this class if I study hard and think hard of American Literature. I am sorry that I don’t have time to do that.
I guess this is a door that God closes to me. He reminds me not to take classes for credits next time. I will keep this in mind. Good.

It’s around 1 a.m. on Tuesday right now, but the blue Monday keeps haunting me. I feel blue and depressed. I don’t feel like doing anything.
On Tuesday evening, I will have to practice dancing for a party of English Department in the end of May. It is also a crazy decision that I made in this semester. I thought I was clear to Sean, the leader of the dancing and a good friend of mine, that I am not sure whether to be in or not. Sean kept calling that I am one of the members and I have to practice with them. Tuesday night will be the second time practice. I went to the first time practice, and I will have to dance for the party if I go to the second time practice tomorrow.

I like to have fun in the party, but I don’t enjoy dancing in front of all. I guess God forgets to give this talent to me. When I was in my freshman year, I danced for the party. It was fun, and I had fun. That experience is enough for my box of memory. I don’t expect another to come. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh my……
Thinking of this, it makes Monday even bluer and Tuesday hard.